There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
