Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
