It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
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