i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
