She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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