you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
