I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
