Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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