the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
