well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
