I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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