I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
