dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Randomize
