i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
