Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the day after is always just damage control
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You are a genius and a whore.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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