Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
