I wish I could teleport
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
