You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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