and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
birth control should be required to get into college
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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