Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
