was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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