i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
third nipple confirmed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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