She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
