I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
