It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I am one with the molecules
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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