Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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