What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
