yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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