honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
