I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
