are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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