Its about making memories worth repressing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Pooping to opera.
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