I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
