I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
