This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize