You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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