It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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