I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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