I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
