oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
