Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
