I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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