ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
