You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
