I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize