I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
