If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
