My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
