We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize