I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
