Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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