I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize