apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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