I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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