My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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