just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
