it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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