i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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