Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
