You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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