I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
