Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
