Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
